I Rest Assured.

I'm tired. I'm tired of the complexity of life. (This doesn't bid well for the rest of my life, huh? ha) In the process of growing up into adulthood, life seems to get more complicated. More objects obstruct our goals, obstruct our view, and obstruct our paths.

I am disheartened by my status. I bear no fruits to my labor. I study and I do the necessary, if not beyond, amount of work to succeed. Yet, I have nothing reasonable to show for it. I struggle to maintain a positive outlook as I carry on. Each result bears a heavier weight upon my shoulders. I await the favorable results to lift the weights and free my spirits. I am an optimist, through and through, however, one can only remain optimistic for so long when prior results show no change. I do not mean merely once or twice before, but rather extended results beyond that of twice.

Fortunately, I am blessed with people who acknowledge my efforts and reassure what I hope will happen in my future. Success, shown as the consequences, rather, rewards, of my effort.

I shall continue this journey with my best efforts. I know no matter the outcome, I will have put my best efforts forward. I am who I am. It is what it is. Nothing more, nothing less. But if it has to be anything. I Will Succeed.

Digressing once more.

My continuance of tiredness extend further than the mere musings of my success in school. When you play a game enough, you get tired of it. You get tired of going through the loops. Tired of all the round-about ways to get to the point. Sure, chasing can be enjoyable when subtle hints are dropped before you that keep you going. At this point, it is not worth my time. I'm not one to give up but rather one to cut my losses if my evaluation shows no benefits to my efforts. I've tried. I've done basically all that is called for, but reciprocation is a far cry from my location. It is nowhere to be found. I am not an idiot. I am not oblivious to the nature of this game. Whether my expressions, actions, or communications show otherwise, I am well aware of my surroundings. I am observant and take note, but say nothing. This is me. I keep things to myself because I find it not my place to interject or interrupt. Human nature is an interesting entity (Previous "Human Nature" Entry ). Especially the distinguishing characteristics between females and males and more specifically to each individual. I find it fascinating what one enjoys versus what one finds irritating or unfavorable. The Game, why do we play? Is that our only option? Whatever it is, it is not worth my time right now, nor may it be for quite some time. Or maybe it is the source, maybe my evaluation has dictated it is not worth it. It may be sad to this point, where even a roommate does not satisfy that missing emotion. I seek that connection that one shares. I shall not fret over such a hole, it will eventually be pushed aside with my focus on myself and my future. It is undeniable this emotion will resurface. When it will resurface is the variable, but the previous statistics state the likelihood it will peer its head in a couple weeks. Until then, good riddance, there is no hate, just irritation. I avoid scratching it to make it worst. I am merely stating my displeasure in the situation and the epiphany that is the big picture of where I am headed and what is necessary versus what is a luxury.