I See Better Days Ahead

After a weekend of mini-fails, I am idiosyncratically refreshed for what lies ahead. Better days of course. At this point, I think I have reached the bottom point of being as cynical and irritable as I can be. If for any other reason, I should not be that bad, its not conducive to my mental and physical health. I have found rejuvenation and optimism has arrived for a glorious return. Nothing can bring me down again. I will simply shrug it off my shoulders and let it be. I am much better than to take things personal or to heart. It is what it is. No more and no less. I will allow for things to fall in its place. Not to say at the very least I won't interject myself when I find it necessary but generally I will let things happen as it would.

I understand this view as more of a "I don't really care what other people have to do or say." They live their lives as I do mine. I do not mind sharing and listening but only if the feeling is mutual. Boyfriends/Girlfriends come and go, friends stick around, but in the end, when all is said and done, it is all about you. Don't get me wrong, it is not forbidden to do things for others. I enjoy doing that. I am a giver. But when it is a giver and a taker, it will never work. Givers although at their very core love to give, it is also natural to want to be appreciated. Thus, givers work best with other givers. We cannot all be takers because then we are just a bunch of self-center a-holes. That would be epically sad and disappointing.

Anyone a dream specialist out there? Explain to me what dreams symbolize. Give me something to believe even though I'm skeptical since dream theories are hard to entrust with validated scientific evidence. Create a theory that satisfies my need to answer what each dream symbolizes/means.

I can recall a few dreams from last night. One more vivid than the other two. Ms. Sunflower appeared and we were at dinner as we use to do sparingly half a decade ago. She proceeded to explain to me the situation in her life, the reason behind her unsuccessful engagement. (There's no other way to really put it without it sounding as it does). I do not remember what she explained to me in the dream but it was significant enough to cause such a reaction. I sympathized and carried on the conversation, traversing the other parts of her life. My words seemed to put a calm and comfort in her eyes. The backdrop glimmered with beauty. I thought to myself, this can be construed in so many ways, but the specific view point of negativity nagged above and beyond the others. I had no desires to sweep someone in such a fragile state. The vulnerability made me feel evil for thinking such a thing. It was as though I had won a prize by default. The gratification of having someone fall in love with you and feel the same as you do was nowhere to be found but just emptiness. Ironically, I awoke at the part of the dream where we had embraced each other at the nights end. A hug and the presumed fairytale kiss to end the evening before parting ways. As with social entertainment and their perfect timing, the dreamed ended as the moisture of her lips reached mine.

I found myself dwelling on this dream and the very nature of its meaning. Does it mean that I just happened to be thinking about Sunflower prior to my slumber and thus the reason for her presence in my dream? Or do we look further into it and find that it was more than a coincidence. I admit openly that I think about her from time to time. I was naive. I was a teenager. Had I known better, had I known what I know now. I would not have made that mistake. Hindsight is always 20-20. Oh how life would have been much different. For better? For worst? One can only imagine. Needless to say, we are here. I admit furthermore, she has a place in my heart. She unexplainably affects me without a single word, action, reaction, or for that matter any communication what-so-ever. We all have the "one." You know what I mean. Sunflower is it. Simple as that. Will I act upon it, maybe nothing more than a letter expressing my feelings. When that time comes. Otherwise, I will silently live my life apart from hers and view from the outside looking in. It is my selfish nature to secretly hope that when the time comes for me, she will be that "one." But, I know better than to think and be insane or creepy. It is absurd. Says who? Society. It is just not normal, but what is normal? Is love normal? Love is a crazy thing and it can cause people to do crazy things.

I am venturing deeper into my mind, my heart, my soul and openly analyzing what is inside. Aside from other's thoughts, opinions, expressions, and norms, I have nothing to hide, I have nothing to fear. If I do not understand myself, how could I expect others to understand.

I am at peace with myself. With being at peace, I afford the opportunity for others to seek peace and find it within themselves. To be peaceful, you must find it within yourself and others will gravitate to it.

I live for happiness, but do so with integrity, admirability and inspiration.

I see better days ahead. Whether spiritually, mentally, physically, or materially, better days await my presence. I seek accordingly with open arms.