Since my last written words, all 10 hours of it, I have unfortunately been in an unexplainable abnormal mood. I venture to attribute it to the subconscious anxiety I get when I am being tested. Although law school midterms are not weighed heavily, my desires to succeed add an unnecessary pressure. Finals are multiplied. I hardly remember any other testing having this amount of weight on my mind and body.
I'm in my own head. Looking for a permanent escape. Freedom from the confines of my own self-destructing thoughts. These last sentences would be damaging to my perception but I assure you they are to a lessen degree than most would take such statements. I am well aware I am not an idiot. I would not be where I am today without some level of intelligence. I would not have graduated high school, gotten my Bachelor Degree, be accepted into law school in hopes to receive my Juris Doctorate. It takes a certain kind of person, motivation, desires, and commitment to get to this level but I don't want to just be here. I have been blessed to have been a standout in places I have been a student. I don't see a reason why that should change. I am capable of such a feat, yet have not lived up to it. I hope and wish to find it very soon. Ideally in a matter of days.
I digress. I have calmed down now. My upstairs neighbor has decided to stop hammering whatever it is they're doing up there at 11:30 pm. They have been doing such for the past hour and half. My desires to sleep at 9:30 was compromised by their ignorant activities.
My cup is empty once more. I'm glad this is my release. I do not resort to burdening others to listen to my dispositions. It is not their job, nor is it my place. We all have our dog days, mine just happened to occur during midterms. Unfortunate timing but the irony in it amuses me.
Perhaps my restless mind is now content and will not longer fight my dormant desires.
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