Silent Nights

Happy Festivus! Merry Christmas!

I hope all received what they wished for.

Surviving would not be the right word to use. I'd rather use completed. I completed my first semester of Law school a few weeks ago. Although it was an indescribable experience, nevertheless a necessary task as I am now no longer ignorant as to how to study for finals in grad school and what I need to do throughout the semester to prepare for finals. I was the naive first semester 1L who did not know any better and decided that spending "review" week really studying and learning the material was enough time and a good idea. I was very wrong and quickly reminded this was not undergrad anymore. I will attest that I felt I did achieve a lot in the time I had and performed to my best ability. Unfortunately I received my first final grade last week and was greatly disappointed. There really isn't an excuse, however, I will say that many of my classmates have come to a consensus that we are one of the brighter sections, which makes it very competitive to score high. Law school is were the curve resides. We are not graded strictly with the material but with our fellow classmates. So you may score really well on the test but if everyone else in your class did just as well and wrote better, well you may end up with a mid-level score. It may appear unfair but its a reality and breeds the competitive nature that is Law school.

Beyond first semester, I have been literally sitting on my ass doing absolutely nothing. It is both relaxing but oh so very boring. I'm blending days together and am being ridiculously unproductive. As odd as it may sound, I cannot wait to return to school and start up my routine once again. I guess its a good thing that I'm excited to start again because it means I'm really enjoying school and everything that comes with it. I may have doubted what I was getting myself into and if this was really for me but I was pleasantly mistaken.

In other thoughts, I believe I am currently in an awkward uncertain stage in terms of friendships. I'm sadly admitting I am drifting further away from my undergrad friends. I reminisce of the good times we spent together hanging out and shooting the shit but now that I have ventured off to school and many remain in Orange County as well as some in other parts of the US, I rarely have the opportunity to speak with them or spend time with. I see the probability there being a rekindling once I finish but for the time being, it is too far to predict. As with my classmates, I have stumbled upon and formed a good group of people I certainly call friends, however, its still in the forming stage as the walls slowly come down. Its been a short time when you reflect on it, 4 months, to form deep friendships, but under the circumstances, the struggles we had through our first semester and our respective views/personalities from our backgrounds meshing, I'm glad things played out the way they have.

Its a funny observation to see the difference from people's motivation in undergrad versus law school. Its obvious there is much more at stake in law school as you're spending thousands for an advance degree and the privilege of practicing law. It does take a type of person to pursue a Juris Doctorate and succeed. Some may do it because they can't think of anything else to do and there are those to who are wholly driven and motivated. My school breeds camaraderie and respect no matter the exterior circumstances. So far, I'm loving my environment, I just hope that this continues throughout the three years. My group of friends are driven, motivated, focus and supportive, its a blessing because it helps me stay on my game and keeps me accountable to myself and to them. Thank you guys.

It'll probably be a while before I write again and since I'm on a roll, I will just continue. In my current state of boredom, I'm given the opportunity to sit in my leisure and think/reflect on many of things. Random, minuscule, significant, funny, serious, you name it, I've had plenty of time to get across to all of them. Sad but true. I wonder if people share the same feelings as I do when I say that I have acquaintances (and I call them acquaintances by default since I don't believe we truly have a friendship) that I would sincerely like to develop friendships with but are unable to, not because I was not willing or did not try but because they do not respond as you had hoped. I will admit I am guilty of such action or rather lack thereof. I have ignored or passed over people's attempts to get a hold of me, however, in the past couple of years, I have made a conscious effort to reciprocate the effort and respond. We are no longer in a world of WHAT we know, but rather WHO we know and our development of networks. Networks make our society run at its optimum. I may have a friend who needs help with something I am unfamiliar with, but may be able to reference them to another friend who is a specialist in such a field. In that case, everyone wins.

It is disheartening to think of such things, but I'd like to think they do in fact have priorities to attend to, thus the reason they are unable to respond, but I know that is more often than not, a lie. We prioritize people, categorize them, whether through perception, experiences (good/bad), and reputations, thats just how things work. I can say I have never intentionally tried to get someone to hate me, I'd like to think I'm a like-able guy, but there are bound to be someone who is irritated by me or genuinely doesn't like me. So be it. I'm thrilled at the thought of the hundreds and thousands of people I will meet in my future. Those in my past, though many not by choice, will be just that, my past. My future holds people with personalities, stories, and opinions that will inevitably influence my being and contribute to my evolution. I cannot wait, but while I'm here in this moment, please stop by and say hi. I will forever be grateful for such gestures.

Storm Chasing...

The storm awaits. I am on the eve of the first storm that guides my future. First final of my law school career and it just happens to be the one subject I've had the most exposure to over the years but also has the most information to understand and remember. Can you guess? Criminal Law. Exciting I know.

I have this feeling that this test may well be the better one of all the finals I will be taking. Reason being is that I've had the most time to prepare for this test.

Note: Quick shout out to Meghan and Naz, they've just entrusted me to hold their room key as they step out for something. FYI, you're reading this, you guys should know you're two of my favorites at law school. You guys started as simply acquaintances but have developed into some good friends. Thank you for being so kind. Both of you guys are sweet, kind hearted souls. You make law school that much more enjoyable. Also doesn't hurt that you guys are so intelligent and focused that its a motivating factor for me to strive to be better. (have I praised you guys enough? haha)

Where was I?

As I continue to review my notes on how to get away with homicide, I can't help but appreciate the drive, people in the library have, taking the necessary steps to become what they desire to be. I can't fathom the amount of brain power being produced in this building at this very moment. We could probably generate enough energy to provide power to a small village. Either that, or be able to run a small country. ha.

Nevertheless, no stress, I'm enjoying the process and appreciating where I am. All with a big smile on my face.

Merry Thanks-mas!

Showing appreciation, gratitude, thanks, takes more than just a day to really justify one's true feelings. We as a society find it easier to quantify it as simply one day to really give thanks, Thanksgiving day. The last Thursday of every November.

In my opinion, Thanksgiving does not do justice to those who we believe deserve our thanks. I can't just be thankful for one day. There is no way I can express my thank you to my parents and my family in just one day. I doubt I can't even fit it in my lifetime. My mom and dad mean everything to me. They are my lifeline, I am a direct reflection of who they are, the character, values, and morals they believe in, I am product of that.

The older you get the more you appreciate your parents. My appreciation is more evident this year than before because I have unfortunately had some close friends lose their fathers. I cannot imagine how distraught I would be if such a thing would happen to me now. They're getting older, as I get older, and I want to make every moment last with them. I want them to be happy as I have been to have such wonderful parents who love me and do everything for me. I believe it when people say a love for a child can never be compared to love for anyone else, its just completely different. There is nothing you wouldn't do for your child. I'll find that out when I have kids but until then, I will do everything in my power to make my parents happy and proud. They deserve it. I swear they raised two good sons. I love my brother and I know he loves me cause he takes care of me all the time. I cannot recall any other time my family has been as close as they are presently. It is truly a blessing and pleasure.

To not discriminate, thank you friends, of past and present. Those of the past, your influence both good and bad reinforce my ever evolving character. My parents created the core but I can't say it doesn't evolve and further develop. Friends make life more enjoyable, so thank you.

Happiness is appreciating all that you have and how easily you could lose it at any given time.

Merry Thanks-mas!

The End of the Beginning is Near

Less than three weeks. After enduring 3 and a quarter months, it will be the end of my beginning. I will have accomplished 1/6th of my goal over the course of the next three years. Quite the accomplishment considering what the task at hand is and will continue to be. They say the first year is the hardest, you don't believe such words until you have experienced it for yourself. I am still experiencing it but if this first semester is any indication, the journey, although tough, will be a rewarding and fun experience. I wish I could accurately describe my feelings about all of this in fewer words than many, but if I must, it has been amazing.

I foresee nostalgia once this journey concludes and my career commences. I may currently feel stressed, question my decisions, question my intelligence, my being, however, it will all make sense and come together in the end. I will have nothing short of extreme gratitude and appreciation towards my school, my professors, the faculty, and my colleagues - even though they are classmates now, they will be my colleagues in the future and more importantly close friends.

Bonds are created through adversity - adversity is all around and none more apparent than when you attempt to succeed at a task that extends beyond your current skill and knowledge.

Law school is just that. Adversity. We aren't necessarily learning the law, but rather learning how to eat, breath, think, and analyze like an attorney. Our job is to assess our client's issue into legal terms, identify the legally significant facts. To do so is not easy, as explained to us by our professors over and over again, however, that is why it is law school and not everyone seeks and receives the opportunity to learn such a trade.

It is difficult to fathom that the end game, will encompass a professional responsibility. I will be a professional, not exactly the field I originally envisioned, but definitely a worthy consolation. I may possibly be responsible for lives - individually and collectively - I may be a glorified negotiator for a large company - but with high prestige and respect... Hopefully. ha.

Whatever that entails, it will not come to fruition without putting in the work now. I admit I easily lose sight at the big picture at times and see myself in the moment. Both are necessary and many of us, especially myself, extend to each extreme at times. Will someone please remind me to continually balance my mind, body, and soul.

My mind may change over time, but at this moment, I would not trade this for the world. Maybe a little better health and maybe a girlfriend (since everyone and their mother is in a relationship. Ladies you can interpret that as an open invitation to introduce yourself to an outstanding nerd. haha) but ultimately, I am content. Actually, that kind of sounds depressing, I am happy. Are you?

"All I'm losing is me..."

The more I think the more I lose myself in my thoughts and the more I end up stepping away from who I really am. I am struggling with cynical thoughts, irritability, I'm becoming more uptight, wound up too tight, stressful in how I am doing.

Exhale. Breathe. Relax. Find myself. Perspective.

My mind is a mess. I am a mess. I'm in the middle of my transformation, and as with many things, change is a challenge. Am I changing in the right direction? Am I becoming a better person for it? I try not to show my weakness in case of exploitation but I'm quickly losing steam, losing hope in what I'm doing. I write and I know that I should think a certain way, I should continue to be optimistic, I should this, I should that. Unexplained, my brain won't allow that to be truth. I know but I don't necessarily believe. Where does that leave me? Like in "Deception" I feel as though I'm in "limbo," awaiting for some light some thing to rescue me.

I am accumulating all this knowledge, processing it but unable to recite it back to those I converse with. Does that just mean I really DON'T in fact get it at all but just think I do? I'm surrounded by peers I now call good friends, friends who I'm sure struggle through this at some point as well but are better equipped to handle such situations.

I need to get away from being so concerned about what my actions may be interpreted as, what I say may be construed in evaluating my character, my intelligence. I fear I am the village idiot. I fear I am way in over my head and have started to give up, beginning my decent into the dark depths of the abyss.

I hit a wall, figuratively, two weeks ago. Since then I've been able to get through it and carried myself to where I am now. But this week brings another obstacle, one I'm questioning deeply. I feel as though I run in circles with this. I have visited this obstacle several times before, obviously, I have been able to surge pass it, but this time feels different. The stakes are higher, the pressure is on, if anything, put upon me by my own doing.

I passed all my midterms, placed smack dab in the middle of the bell curve, but my competitive nature won't allow me to settle for such a position. Then again, my laziness influences my position otherwise.

I'm battling, my body is getting weaker, its evident in the aches and pains physically, evident in my speech and thought process mentally. Where do I go from here? Guidance is at a minimum for lack of expertise in this mental and physical struggle.

I'm doing this to further my career, I'm doing this because my parents never had the opportunity to do this, I'm doing this for my future, for my family's future, I'm doing this for myself.

I'm am an intelligent being, I am here because people believed in me.

It's so much easier to write here. For reasons unknown, at least to me.

Quarter Century...

Time flies. It does not wait for you, it does not wait for anyone. You can only catch up to it and seize the moments, for they are merely moments. A quarter century. Twenty-five years. 2-5. I remember my childhood as if it was yesterday. Naive, innocent, excited, rebellious, you name it. Life was simple, chore-ish, go to school, listen in class, learn something, come home, do homework, spend time doing extracurricular activities, mom and pops would pay for EVERYTHING. A decade later, I'm still going to school, listening in class, learning stuff, come home (library), do homework, read, spend time doing extracurricular activities, mom and pops no longer pay for EVERYTHING. Instead, I have loans, I have bills, I have responsibilities for myself. All grown up. In pursuit of happiness, and of my career.

I have been blessed. With everything you can imagine. A great family, that I love and that loves me. Relative good health, besides my back injury, my body is doing what its suppose to be doing.. for the most part. ha I've been blessed with athletic abilities. I've been blessed with a brain that is capable of learning and retaining information, sort of intelligent. haha I have been blessed with a personality that gets along with others and is capable of understanding other perspectives and adapting. I have been blessed with great people surrounding me.

This feels more like a Thanksgiving entry but its just my showing of appreciation for life, its gifts, but mainly the frailty of it. All of this can be taken away in an instant. Cliches are just that, cliche-ish. But they're developed through the truth.

Life is unpredictable, it is short, it needs to be lived. We live for the moment, appreciate what you have and enjoy every moment of life. Stress is unnecessary. The other "S" is necessary, Smile!

Laugh, Smile, Live. Be you.

10.20.10 - October 20th, 2010.

My birthday, but also happens to be the day I realize at this point in my life how fortunate I am, how loved I am by others.

Facebook - a drug society can't stop taking. We get caught up in it, we get lost in it, we definitely get distracted by it. But its a part of our lives now. Its embeded in our daily activities, it influences what we do, what we say, everything! The Social Network. the revolution, the evolution of our society.

A necessary (evil?) if you want to call it that. Without it, I wouldn't be able to keep in contact with the people of my past, present, and possible future. Today, my notification section says I received 120+ post on my wall. A testament to the love I get from people whom I call my friends. I am truly loved. I thank you for that. Because in recent weeks, I have felt more lonely than ever. I live in a condo in downtown by myself. People at school I see at school and some outside of school, most of which have boyfriends and girlfriends. I have nothing against that, its just nice to come home and be able to talk to someone about everything. I have Killer II to talk to, but he doesn't usually respond, he just 'blurps' at me looking for me to feed him, if he doesn't want to listen, he'll just continue to swim around the bowl.

But serious, 120+ post, wow, I'm blown away at the amount of people willing to take the time to say happy birthday to me. People can easily brush over it, and not bother, but taking the time to type it out and just enough to think of me and comment, thats awesome. I made it a point to respond to each comment to reciprocate the gesture they made to me by commenting. That's the very least I can do to show my appreciation.

I must be doing something right to illicit such a response of birthday wishes. Simply put, THANK YOU.

My reflection continues, my thoughts keeps analyzing, my feelings searching, my emotions filtering. At this moment, right now, I am happy.

Enjoy the pleasures of today, tomorrow will be another journey.

"Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air,
I know I can count on you,
Sometimes I feel like saying 'Lord I just don't care,'
But you've got the love I need to see me through." - Florence and The Machine - You've got the love.

You know you're in law school when...

First off, here is my official shout out to some people you said they'd be reading my blog. Meghan and Stephanie. My law school peeps! woot! haha

Anyways, I'm just a little over 4 hours apart from my third law school midterm, my fourth and last being tomorrow afternoon at 1pm. It is quite the experience when you learn that your midterms in law school, which in fact aren't common since most other law schools in the US do not require midterms, are held on the weekend. I've never had to take midterms on the weekend in any part of my life. I can honestly say that the amount of work I have done in the past 7-8 weeks in law school are equivalent to 3+ years I did in undergraduate at UCI. It is sad and yet, I am proud of myself that I have committed myself to this cause and am working as hard as I am.

As I have been studying for these midterms this week, I keep reminding myself not to get caught up in the stresses of these test and anticipation for my performance. I have to keep in mind of the big picture. I am learning the process of thinking and writing like an attorney. I'm learning what makes a contract and what constitutes a homicide under the MPC and under Common Law. I shouldn't be so overwhelmed and caught up in getting the best grades and whatnot because the end game is passing the bar. Obviously if I understand the concepts and materials, I should be fine in terms of grades, even if the whole class is curved. My understanding will exude itself into my exams. Hopefully I am able to actually write my knowledge out into the format required by each professor. We will find out shortly.

I am enjoying myself at law school even through these tormenting times of studying for midterms on a weekend where it is gorgeous outside. Sunny San Diego and it would be unwise to spend my time outside soaking up the sun and all San Diego has to offer while I should be inside preparing myself to explain what creates a contractual duty from one person to another.

For the sake of studying...

"One basis to create a contractual duty includes mutual assent and consideration. Mutual assent is the showing of that both parties have reasonably expressed their agreement to common terms of a bargain. It is objective and accounts for what a reasonable persona may say or understand. Mutual assent is satisfied when two party's agree and both sign a formal document. In the absence of the formal document, the alternative is to evaluate offer and acceptance to satisfy mutual assent.

An offer is the manifestation of willingness to enter into a bargain so may to justify an understanding that his assent to that bargain is invited and to conclude that bargain. An offer requires: an expression by the speaker that must identify a bargain to the addressee, the speakers expresses the present willingness to be bound by the terms of the bargain, and the speaker must invite the assent of the addressee in the manner which the addressee understands that his assent to the bargain is all that is needed.

An acceptance is an expression by the addressee that manifests their unequivocal assent to the terms of the bargain in a manner that is invited or required by the offer. An acceptance requires: an expression by the addressee, their unequivocal assent, and in the manner that is invited or required by the offer."


Yeah, that just happened. I just explained to you what mutual assent is. if you stick around long enough, I may explore to consideration... ha.

Potholes o'plenty.

Yes, I am alive. I'm excited at the prospect of possible new readers to this glorified electronic diary. haha, yeah I did just call this a diary. However, to save face and erase the possible thoughts of being called metro-whatever you want to call it. I'll call this my blog-ish journal of sharing.

Moving along, I survived my first official law school exam. I'm at lost of words as to how to describe the experience but I will say the relief was equivalent to "surviving" the LSATs. I felt I was more prepared for this midterm exam than I was for that "indicator of law school preparedness" test. Ugh, that was a horrible experience that I'm glad I will no longer have to deal with.

This midterm exam was somewhat stressful but I felt enough confidence to get through it and had to keep in mind the big picture of why we take these tests in order to ease the stress level influenced into me by my fellow classmates. Big pictures. They keep you grounded and far from being caught up in the little details that cause you to pull your hair out and lose sleep over.

Why am I at law school? To learn to think like an attorney and to identify "legally significant" facts... not to specifically learn just the law or to remove years from my estimated life span due to high levels of stress. No thank you, I can get that from watching law and order or my choice of reality tv shows that pollute the television waves.

My state of mind requires me to say that I love law school. Not so much the amount of reading and work load necessary, but my professors are great, the subjects are interesting (for the most part), the discussions are intriguing and engaging, and naturally, my classmates are amazing.

I've ventured out of my shell and engaged with my classmates. I'm blown away at their personalities, such diversity of backgrounds and opinions makes it all the more interesting. For a lack of a better description, they're cool peeps. ha.

I thought when I finished undergrad, I had all the lifelong friends I needed. Never would I have though law school would provide the potential for more. I was expecting a cut-throat environment that required me to be a asshole at times. I am fortunate to be in an environment that breeds success. The comradery, the genuine politeness and respect, at least with my section, makes this experience that more enjoyable and memorable.

I will make it a point to make these acquaintances, more than just that, I hope to pursue friendships. Of course, I see this as more likely than not due to the fact that we are spending the whole year together. Five days a week for a total of 28 weeks and possibly more. If we aren't friends by then, the only reason must mean I don't like you or vice versa, then that's just unfortunate. Don't worry, its very difficult for someone to become one I don't like, or possibly hate.

I think I've started some good friendships, I had a great Thursday this past week. I rank it so far as the top of my law school experience. Officially started my law school career with my first test, spent lunchtime with a good group of people from my section, played a quick 9 holes with a couple of buddies from the same section, and then spent dinner into the morning with some more people from my section. As if we didn't spend enough time together already, at school. It's nice to meet and talk to people outside of that school setting, you learn a lot more that way about them and what they're all about. So far, I like what I've been presented with.

Side note: I realized my title says Potholes o'plenty. This is mentioned because Thursday night, as I was skateboarding back to my place, I was gazing at the new building which will house the school come January, a pothole wanted to say Hello to me and was like a jealous girlfriend. She wanted attention so she made herself known. Her attention was granted, I lost the skateboard and had my first attempt at flying. I tried to do the "flying squirrel" but failed miserably. Mr. Concrete said hello as well last night. He was a little nicer. He said I should attend to the bruise that was on my knee... thanks Ms. Pothole and Mr. Concrete. You completed my night.

The ball needs some help...

Its rolling, but its lagging. I got called a lag-er last week and since then, I've noticed I am when there isn't a deadline. I know I've addressed this issue several times before, I procrastinate, too often. I know better but yet I still do it. My theory still remains I do this because I thrive off the pressure of having to scramble things together and perform at a high level. Athlete mentality, probably. Wise decision making, probably not. The problem is that I scramble. That may seem a little harsh in choice of words but for the most part its very true. Nevertheless, it results in missing minor details, things that had I been proactive and gotten it done earlier, I would have caught when I went back to it. My flaw. One of many. But none that conform me to the norm. I am hardly your normal person. I explain to people, I'm quite weird. Isn't everyone a little weird. Things they do, things they like, things that amuse them, things they hate. Things, things, and more things. Such a generic word, used too often and too common. Wait, did I just say the same thing twice? How's that for weird? Not that I basically said the same 'thing' twice, but that I am jumping around from topic to topic like I have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Yeah, I said it. A.D.H.D. Just not clinically diagnosed. I diagnosed myself. Cause I'm the doctor of me. haha. Just gets weirder doesn't it?

Well, I'm writing right now because I want to get the ball rolling, as in my mind. I'm suppose to be studying/reading/case briefing/legally writing. However, as you can see, I am currently not doing any of that. Rather I would choose to nap at this point because my eyes feel heavy. That of course would further delay this "studying" and thus procrastinating. Exactly the one thing I do not want to do. Yet I'm doing it by typing. At the very least, I'm winning small battles, I've written down what pages I need to read and assignments I need to do. I have a list!

Ah-ha! I figured it out, its because its so quiet here that I'm left with wandering thoughts and lack of motivation. I knew laziness would creep its ugly head out. I suppressed for quite some time, I'm thoroughly impressed with myself. I need assistance in sending it back into hibernation, I'm in need of someone to help fill the air in my house. Its eerily quiet at nights and especially during the day when my neighbors, complex-mates are all gone and its just the sunlight and wind/breeze blowing. Music is my passion, but it distracts me because I get so into it and I lose focus.

uh-oh, I think the ball found a hill, its going... until next time peeps.


I would normally apologize right here for making this entry odd and displaying my weird-ness and quirky nature, but I won't, I'm not apologizing, you read it cause you wanted to waste your time. ha.

Did you laugh cause I did!

Fail Blog v.Duke.1

I intended to maintain this blog by posting an entry each week as to document my journey through law school. However, week 4 of school is upon us and I have only made one entry so far as to pertain to law school. two days into my journey. I have failed. For the time being and only to the extent of failing myself.

But here we are, a second entry into this path and what do I have to show for it? A false impression of understanding that hardly could be explained without boring my audience and further confusing myself.

I will state that this beginning to a new found reasoning and perception excite me like opening a present on Christmas day. You have a pretty legitimate idea of what you're getting but having it in your possession makes it all the more exciting. I have an idea of what I got myself into but learning the way to think, analyze, read, and process law is exciting. Something I hope I will not lose sight of as we get deeper and deeper into the semester into finals. I hope I will be able to completely grasp the concepts and ideas presented before me which each class. Mainly, I must keep in mind the big picture goal I must obtain, at least for this year, this semester, which is to be able to think like an attorney, locate and identify the issue of the case, and the rule it must follow. I must not get caught up in the details of each case but acquire the ability to seek the significant facts and apply it to the law. FIRAC = my best friend. Facts, Issue, Rule, Analysis, Conclusion. The right hand of all law students. Using this outline gives you an organized method in "briefing" a case.

I'm learning the tools in becoming an attorney. Still gettin Lawyer'ed.


While I continue this, I'll revert back to some older entries I made but not to this blog but to my 'notes' section of my fbk profile. Please enjoy as your next entry awaits...


Somebody Dropped Knowledge and I Gained Perspective.

I'm writing because I want to write, I'm writing here because I want to share.

I'm not tagging anyone because this is completely voluntary to read and not obligatory. You read it because you want to read it and not because I'm shoving it down your throat.

You're reading this because you've stumbled upon my profile and decided to read this note. You have a vested interest in what I have to say but fortunately for you, I won't bore you with opinions, no editorials here. Simply observations, thoughts that wander there way into my mind, that magically appear like key shapes that "magically" appear on Lucky Charms cereal when you add milk. However, I didn't add milk, I added water, a large mass and suddenly when you're head is submerged, you're left with your thoughts while your body is physically exerting energy, everything becomes "deep" in thoughts.

In the last month, I've had some very good conversations with people, people whom I called more acquaintances than friends prior to these conversations but have developed friendships with. The one topic I find most curious is their opinions. Everyone has their own opinion, often times opinions are influenced by your environment or whats trendy. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and everyone should have an opinion. The one question that has been a staple for my conversations is "In your opinion, what is the difference between Personality and Character?" I've had various answers thrown my way and every single one has been valid in their own right. When I asked that question, I wasn't necessarily looking for a right or wrong answer. Cause lets be honest here, there is not a definitive right or wrong answer to that question. I was looking for their sense of opinion, their perspective. You have a specific way you approach things, I do as well. We are products of our environment and also traits that could be argued as innate. Either way, the point is that we are all unique in our own way, we all have different perspectives of daily events, life, friends and family, culture, and etc.

Perspective is where I'm headed with this. Perspective has several definitions but the one I found that applies to what I'm talking about is: the faculty of seeing all the relevant data in a meaningful relationship. That's a raw definition that can be interpreted in several situations but I'll use the example that I found relevant.

For those of you who know me well and have been around me long enough must have noticed I wear a certain yellow bracelet around my left wrist. It's a LiveStrong Bracelet. I haven't taken it off, except for when I raced, in over 4+ years. Its not for following a trend, although I believe the trend ended a year ago or so, nor is it because I'm a fan of Lance Armstrong. Rather, I wear it because it reminds me that there are worst things I could go through in life and that no matter what it is I'm going through, whether it may be challenging and possibly life altering, it could always be worst and I need to believe in myself, stay strong and get through it like others have before me. In so many words, it gives me perspective.

Its so easy for all of us to get caught up in our lives but we fail to realize how privileged we are with the life that was given to us or provided for us. We complain about hardships and take things for granted because its what we know and see, but rarely do we realize how easy we have it.

What makes me so much better than someone who is homeless. Or someone who is struggling financially to keep a roof over their head and food in their stomach. What does it really mean to sacrifice what we have to survive. I'll admit it, I blow cash sometimes like it grows on trees or up from the ground. "Oh, its only 3 dollars." "Well, it was ONLY _____" What I considered petty cash, could be all a person has for that day or for that week.

I DON'T really know what its like to WORK. Work for what you have, work for things you need. There are people out there I believe are spoiled. Well I should look at myself and realize I am spoiled. I have a natural talent, that's swimming. I can use my knowledge of swimming to provide a service to others that want it and make a quick and significant amount of money doing it. I've never had to work at McDonald's, or any other fast food joint. I've never had to deal with minimum wage. Real, legitimate struggles have never been experienced by me and I do not truly understand such terms.

I don't have that fear, hunger, and drive the less fortunate have to survive. My life to this point, has been easy, privileged, and undeserving. I have no right to complain about my life and whatever difficult situations that present itself. Even my parents and brother have had to WORK to be where they are and to provide me with what I have now. I look around my room, there are countless things I see that I don't NEED, but got because I WANTED it.

Perspective. If it doesn't nothing more than give you just the knowledge or glimpse of a thought that life can be harder than it is, then that's a start. I've been humbled by perspective. I'm grateful for all that I have. Right, it's easy to put that into words and let it come out of my mouth but its another thing to show it, to put it into your everyday actions. I can't say I've done anything significant to show it but I can try and continue to try.

If you've read this and thought I wasted your time, please tell me and I'll gladly apologize for doing so. If by reading this I've given you something as simple as just a mere thought about reflecting on your life and its journey thus far. Great!

Be:
Bold,
Responsible,
Accountable,
Optimistic,
Respectful, and
YOU, with Integrity.




An Objective, An Observation, An Opinion.

Yup, its a new year, new beginnings, new adventures, and new opportunities. Or, you can look at it as just a continuation of life...if that's what makes you happy.

New Year's Resolutions. Defined as "a commitment that an individual makes to a project or the reforming of a habit, often a lifestyle change that is."

But we naturally stray from that definition. New Year's Resolutions tend to last on average, one to three months tops. So much for a lifestyle change huh?

Well, at the very least, these "resolutions" are attempted, better than not even bothering with any. Commendable.

I won't bore you with details of my New Year's Resolutions, but if you're interested, and I assume you are if you've read this far, they're very basic.

1. Finish Application and get into Law school,
2. Be open, honest, bold, but respectful,
3. Continue swimming. Live that once healthy lifestyle you had,
4. Eat better, eat less,
5. Smile. Sing. Dance. Laugh. At least once a day,
6. Have an intellectual conversation with anyone at least once a week,
7. Challenge your mind. Have people challenge your opinions, thoughts, and feelings,
8. Stay current with World News,
9. Be you, and
10. Love.

If you've reached here, I'll extend this invitation for you to share with me your New Year's Resolution(s), I'd love to hear them, and I'll be sure to keep you on them, ask you from time to time if you've kept up with them.


But now, I must digress.

We have all observed varying degrees of fear. Have we not? Physical fear, i.e. dying, falling, injuring a body part, and so on so forth. Mental fear, i.e. eating something foreign, paranormal activity, phobias, and etc. Mental fear is obviously more complicated than physical fear. But hey, we all have fears, whether they're legitimate fears or simply creations of our imaginations, nevertheless, we have fears. They can be short term fears or long term fears, although long term fears are usually subjective to events or actions leading up to that essential fear.

The dictionary defines fear as "a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid."

What are your fears? And you can't tell me you don't have any because that is a flat out lie. I dislike liars. We all lie from time to time, white lies. But chronic, compulsive liars. No Bueno.

I have fears. I fear many things. Things that mean nothing and things that may mean everything. I fear my imagination, for the mere fact that it conjures up ideas and images that frighten me. I fear my bad habits will be the complete destruction of, well, me. I fear failing. Not necessarily failing a class, but more like failing at life, failing my parents, later on, failing my wife, kids, family. Of course you're thinking I shouldn't worry about those things right now, that's later. Well, at some point it will present itself, and I will have to address it, but why not now? So that I can build myself so that I can find ways to eliminate that from happening.

Fear is a necessary evil, is it not? Its what reminds us and makes us human. Humans have one thing robots, machines, etc, etc don't have, emotions, right? Same theme for all those space age futuristic movies.

How you approach those fears and how you face them is what separates you from others. Its almost a never ending cycle. You conquer one fear, another presents itself, you face a fear and it backfires in your face. Sure, it sounds promising right? ha. Correct me if I'm wrong, but never facing your fears or even bothering with it makes you a coward. How will you learn from anything if you don't attempt it at all.

Our journey we call "growing up" and having responsibilities, comes from gathering all the information from our experiences, processing it and applying it to our own lives from that point on. So when you don't face your fears, you don't learn whether or not you're capable of succeeding. And if you don't happen to succeed the first time, at the very least you now know or are able to identify why you didn't succeed.

You're probably wondering at this point why I'm babbling and what my point is. Besides the fact that I want to write to express the thoughts that have floated its way into my mind, the point of all this is that we shouldn't be afraid to do the things we want to do, say the things we want to say, and be who we are.

Reach for the stars, we were always taught that at a young age, but somewhere along the way, we got lost with the what's cool and trendy, who's cool, who's opinion(s) we should give a damn about. Who we really need to listen to. Instead of listening to who we are ourselves, what opinions we've developed, what we want to do. period.

Thus, I'm writing because I want to write, I voice my opinion because I want to, I am who I am, It is what it is, and I don't give a shit, pardon my french, that there are people who don't like me or care for what I have to say. Go try and shit on someone else's parade.

However, if you as little as introduce yourself, show interest in being friends or anything of that sort, I will guarantee you without hesitation or doubt, that I will be one of the better friends you will have. I'm not selling myself because lets face it, I don't need to. Am I being arrogant, vain? No, I'm being bold and confident. I will show you the utmost respect, loyalty and trust.

So please, voice your opinions, let me hear your thoughts, on anything. If you have hate to distribute, do it, I'll listen to it, I'll think about it, but take it to heart, hardly.

So there you go, Ta-da!

Yeah I said it, Ta-da. Now do work.


Good Morning, I'm fine thank you for asking.

To write something profound would be nothing more than cliche. To speak of life, its lessons and experiences would be nothing new to a person who merely breathes. I write nothing more than words that suffice my desires to express whatever it is writing expresses.

However, no typing, writing, or speaking could do justice to the words that scatter my mind as I could never do such to keep up with my mind.

I lay here in my bed awake at an hour where most people of my age have gone to bed but only a few hours ago. My body aching and fighting a fight against a virus known as the common cold. It feels weak, my energy drained as my blood cells attempt to dormant the virus.

While my body wages a war, I watch minutes tick away as the sunrise quickly approaches, a new day to my part of the world. Others are ending their day, what holds our day is to be found, however, my day will be nothing more than rest as my body desperately needs every resource it can aquire to be victorious in the battle that has ensued.

But of course, where are my manners, how are you?

A journey less traveled, and for good reason...

This entry comes to you at the completion of my second day of Law School. My first impression thus far is that it is exciting and new. I'm fortunate to have what I perceive to be good professors. I have classmates who seem to be quite nice. And the class discussions and topics are quite interesting to me. At the thought of my future, specifically the end of my law school career, I can foresee this change in mentality and thought process many faculty and professors speak of. Law is a complete different animal, the way you dissect case law, rules, arguments, etc. is much like watching a Dr. perform surgery. Although I must admit, I've never seen a surgery in person, much less really understand that process. However, I will say, every detail in law has its ramifications. As I've learned in just two days, the change in a single word, when defining a legal term, can alter the meaning all together.

So far, I find the language of the law to be a mess. Especially in terms of Tort law and of Contract Law. The way they write explanations are not only confusing but frustrating as well. The language makes your head run in circles. You believe you understand one aspect but soon find the secondary element throws off your perception of the first element.

Torts for example is a civil wrong, other than a breach of contract, that the law provides a remedy for. Within tort law, three elements are required, the Act, proof of intent, and the causation. Subsection of those three elements include figuring out if there was intent. Intent requires the satisfaction of either the desire of a result or the substantial certainty that one's actions will cause the elements of tort to occur.

Unless you've taken law classes, are an attorney, former attorney, or just a smartypants, you're probably wondering what the hell just happened. Well, I just threw up what I've been reading onto this page. I didn't eat too much so that's why its only a little bit. I still have plenty of work to do... just for tomorrow morning's class. Reading will be my life, analyzing will be my trade, and one day saving you from legal trouble will be my reward.

Thus, the journey I have started, much less traveled by our population, is one I will cherish, enjoy, stress over and constantly remind myself how fortunate I am to be in a position that allows me to become a professional in a field that once held and continues to hold high prestige.

Simply put, I'm gettin' Lawyered.

Philadelphia, PA land of our history and for this week, genius physicist

I'm currently in Philadelphia, PA. Where its hot, humid, and uncomfortable. The city from what I've seen so far, which isn't much because I've been preoccupied with the AAPM convention (American Association of Physicist Medicine), is a gorgeous city with historic implications and atmosphere and the buildings look so tall and amazing. Yes that seemed like a run-on sentence, cause I think it was.

The AAPM convention is much smaller and slower than previous years, but I can't complain since its in an air conditioned convention center and I don't have to be in the heat and humidity. People watching here is like a GOLDMINE! Geniuses, Physicist, Doctors, CEOs, Sales Representatives, Head of Radiation dept., head of medicine, and students alike roam the exhibit hall talking to each other and talking to exhibitors like myself but just the way some of these people decide to dress, the way they talk to each other, their body language, and their attitudes, the diversity of it is unmatched. You get those who are timid, those who are stuck up, those who are oblivious, and those who just don't know any better.

Just the social interactions tell a lot about the environment and atmosphere the Medical field has. I will say that I am in the company of some very driven people, most of which, if not all, are in this field in some way and form to help people and provide a better quality of life. These pieces (companies and people) all come together to help people eliminate and recover from cancer and to extend their lives if only for just another day, month, or year.

I definitely see the greediness in trying to get the most business as possible and make as much money as they can but "underneath it all," I see the compassion and the desire to help people in need and to continue this species we call Humans continuing.

Slightly deep for an observational entry but when its this slow and empty in the exhibit hall, I gots time to do business and write a bit more.

San Diego

Just about have my place of residence squared away down in San Diego.

Oh San Diego... German for a whales vagina, what will you hold for me? What shall I expect to experience out there? Will I be distracted with all that you have to offer? Or will I be strong enough to endure your temptations for 3 years and then enjoy all you bring to inhabitants of your area? San Diego, voted top 10 in all the places to live in the United States. Thats pretty damn good if I say so myself.


I'm distracted with other things, too many things on my mind, good day turned bad, until next time.

Underneath It All

To simply put it, in blatant terms, something all of us can understand and not have to analyze or look into it anymore, or at least I don't think you have to.

I'm afraid.

You're probably wondering what I'm afraid of. Well, there are plenty of things. Some slight, some large, some not so large. Nevertheless there is plenty of fear instilled in me.

I'm afraid of failing my parents, my family. All their hard work and money going to waste on me.

I'm afraid of being rejected, although I think over the years I've become better at accepting it for what it is. Or I'm just better at rationalizing. I tend to over analyze and then do things that I think would help the situation but then I think I'm doing too much or I become paralyzed by fear of upsetting the other person.

I'm afraid I'll be unhappy with my life, regret more things than I should and be miserable.

I'm able to temporarily supress these fears, fortunately as years past, I become better at supressing them for a longer period of time but eventually they'll rear their ugly heads and say hello for a while.

ugh, F-It.

I'll be straight forward, this next part is about you, you know who you are if you're reading this... hopefully.

I think you're amazing. I have so much fun with you and I enjoy every moment we spend hanging out. We have a lot in common, odd since we've known each other for a very very long time (that should have been the giveaway)

I'm not sure what it is, I haven't been able to pin-point why I feel the way I do about you so much. It could be a number of things, to be frank, I wonder if its because I haven't had the opportunity to be like this with anyone in years. Whatever it is, I'm glad its you and I'm glad we're able to do what we are doing and I am able to share and experience whatever this is.

I know what you don't want and I understand how it can be difficult to explain what you're feeling but sometimes, we can't plan for things that appear right in front of us. Things happen and sometimes the right thing to do is go with it.

I hate asking this and I really can't explain what function of my brain is causing this need but it desires to know what the expectations are and what "this" is? Where its headed, if it's headed anywhere and really just what to make of it.

Then again, who am I kidding, who reads what I have to say anyways. No thanks, no sympathy is needed.

If you are in fact reading this though, thank you, I'm grateful, flattered, and impressed.

"There's times where I want something more, someone more like me."

A Theoretical Philosophical Revolutionist in disguise?

Haha, I wish. But the more I read about my observations, my thoughts, ideas, and feelings, the more I find myself wondering why and how the questions I ponder, come from? Why do I think the way I do? How do I get to those kinds of thoughts?

Why do I wonder why and where human nature, the person(s) who defined what human nature were, etc. etc.

Where do social norms come from? Who decided what was what and how we are suppose to be who we are?

I don't set out to necessarily find the answer or provide the answers, I simply ask them because it shows me that my mind is thinking and that I am alive.

I saw a commercial today that ask why people do crazy things, why people do things they normally wouldn't do or do things that put themselves out of their comfort zones? And at the end of the commercial, it basically states that we do these things because we want to know we are alive.

So, go do something crazy, out of your normalcy, something out of your comfort zone, that makes you feel, ALIVE.

Don't settle for routines. Theres comfort in routine, but you become robotic in nature as a consequence. Break out of the shell. Break free of your inhibitions. Release them. I won't tell anyone. But be mindful, observant, because you'll experience your livelihood, your freedom, and you, being, ALIVE.

1L of a Ride - Cultural Learnings of Law School Readings

So I've started my "summer" reading. "1L of a Ride" - it is a road map guidebook for 1st year law students. It gives insight to what to expect, what to do, and how to approach everything involved in your first year of Law school. Its quite intriguing and also very informative. So far its covered what to do prior to starting school in terms of tangibles and intangibles. How to mentally, physically, and materialistically prepare for what lies ahead of me. I've read through the five most common fears among 1st year law students. Boy was this author/professor on the money with that stuff. However, the most relieving piece of passage I have read, stated that as sad as it is, most often times the students who worry the most end up performing the best. I have an unwavering fear of what law school will bring and what stress and discomfort it may cause, but at the same time, I have this excitement for what it can bring and what experiences I will have and how exciting it is to be in a different place, different environment, with the challenges I will be confronted with and how I will address those challenges.

We all reach obstacles and have curve balls thrown at us, both figuratively and literally, but how we approach them, how we react to them, can truly define who we are, display our growth, our learning, and so on and so forth.

As a former athlete, pressure is always on and comes from every direction. To some, I may have folded under that pressure, but I will tell you from my heart, I have never given up, I have always put in my best, all my effort, there may have been times where my best effort wasn't up to par, wasn't where many thought it would be at that time, but then again, I can't complain, I can't regret any of it, because without any of the events preceding this post, I wouldn't be who I am, I wouldn't be where I am, and I wouldn't have the experiences I have had.

I look forward to the future, what it holds, what lies ahead of me, what it will bring. I will do my best to be cautious, be mindful, be educated, be evaluative, be critical, be intelligent, be the best that I can be, and most importantly, be me.

As I continue my "summer" reading, I will continue to share my thoughts and "cultural learnings."

Social Pressures

The term "well aged" refers to the idea that things get better as it gets older. As years pass, whatever "it" is, is suppose to be better or get better in some way or form.

As we age, year after year, life gets more complex, until it hits its apex and begins to simplify once again. does it not?

When we were children, life was simple, respect, learn, do things that made you happy and eat candy. With time, you get older and you're now given responsibilities, not only to yourself but to your family.

We are said to be biologically programed to want to find a significant other or someone to spend time with.

WE have social norms that suggest we have a best friend, and relationships with people. We also are taught to be social and etc.

Somewhere we develop these emotions of happiness, sadness, jealousy, pain, discomfort, and etc. to describe what we feel and become an accurate description of our moods. But where along the lines do we learn to develop such emotions and social norms.

Where were we taught to have to have a social status, in terms of a relationship. People spend time together, do we need to label it under such a description? Why is there a need to, whether from one side or the other to clarify what exactly it is that is going on.

Ambiguity fosters questions that "need" to be answered. But why do you need to answer them, what happened in our development that has created this desire to clarify ambiguity, to have to or need to describe whatever it is that is happening.

The simplest answer, that essentially leads to more ambiguity is that it is really just Human Nature. But where did this description of Human Nature come from? How and who defined it. Is it simply because there really isn't any other explanation for it so we call it Human Nature. Is this development caused by the environment or was it innate. A brain function that as humans, the complex nature of our brain, this is just a production/consequence of this organism?

Confusing? Yes of course, did I make even MORE confusing, absolutely. Lets just say its my human nature and leave at that.

F-R-I-E-N-D-S

Just a quick thought, but for those of you who have graduated from college. Have you ever thought of how much more important your close friends are to you now than they where while you were in college and way back when you were a child?

When we were younger, we didn't really concern ourselves, at least for me, with finding a really really close group of friends. Mainly because we had such a plethora of people to choose from and really, to be honest, we always saw our friends everyday.

As we age, and live our own lives, it becomes much harder to keep in touch and to really stay local to your friends. Its not impossible, as I've seen my brother do it with his core group of friends, granted they're pretty spread out but the majority remain within 30mins of each other.

I on the other hand have a much harder time, I've been blessed to have 8 really close guy friends. Of course, if you don't already know from me telling you, 5 of them are happily married. Yeah, thats right, mid 20's and HAPPILY Married. Well, I haven't been fortunate enough to have them remain within 30mins of where I am. I have one across the nation in DC, one across the Pacific Ocean in Hawaii, 1 in Newport, 1 in Laguna, 1 in Irvine, and 1 in Villa Park and 1 in well, depends on the time of the year, he may be in another country or in newport. Worst, I will be moving down to San Diego in August and will be closer to two hours away from all of them.

My point, or observation rather, is that its so hard to organize our schedules to workout where we are able to see each other like we use to in undergrad all the time, life carries us on different paths, paths that have intersected and now wine the road hopefully to intersect more often than not and keep us remotely close. Needless to say, they are my closest friends, ones I can depend on and ones I know no matter what happens in our own lives, when I'm around them, life is good. Life is grand, and I can't complain.

Same Thoughts, New Location.

I've decided its time to change locations. I will now continue sharing my thoughts, opinions, feelings, observations at this location. Its like moving to another city, minus having to pack everything and unpack when you've arrived.

But if you're interested in previous entries, please feel free to venture over to my old location.

http://aquamandk.xanga.com/

Enjoy, I will talk to you soon.