Underneath It All

To simply put it, in blatant terms, something all of us can understand and not have to analyze or look into it anymore, or at least I don't think you have to.

I'm afraid.

You're probably wondering what I'm afraid of. Well, there are plenty of things. Some slight, some large, some not so large. Nevertheless there is plenty of fear instilled in me.

I'm afraid of failing my parents, my family. All their hard work and money going to waste on me.

I'm afraid of being rejected, although I think over the years I've become better at accepting it for what it is. Or I'm just better at rationalizing. I tend to over analyze and then do things that I think would help the situation but then I think I'm doing too much or I become paralyzed by fear of upsetting the other person.

I'm afraid I'll be unhappy with my life, regret more things than I should and be miserable.

I'm able to temporarily supress these fears, fortunately as years past, I become better at supressing them for a longer period of time but eventually they'll rear their ugly heads and say hello for a while.

ugh, F-It.

I'll be straight forward, this next part is about you, you know who you are if you're reading this... hopefully.

I think you're amazing. I have so much fun with you and I enjoy every moment we spend hanging out. We have a lot in common, odd since we've known each other for a very very long time (that should have been the giveaway)

I'm not sure what it is, I haven't been able to pin-point why I feel the way I do about you so much. It could be a number of things, to be frank, I wonder if its because I haven't had the opportunity to be like this with anyone in years. Whatever it is, I'm glad its you and I'm glad we're able to do what we are doing and I am able to share and experience whatever this is.

I know what you don't want and I understand how it can be difficult to explain what you're feeling but sometimes, we can't plan for things that appear right in front of us. Things happen and sometimes the right thing to do is go with it.

I hate asking this and I really can't explain what function of my brain is causing this need but it desires to know what the expectations are and what "this" is? Where its headed, if it's headed anywhere and really just what to make of it.

Then again, who am I kidding, who reads what I have to say anyways. No thanks, no sympathy is needed.

If you are in fact reading this though, thank you, I'm grateful, flattered, and impressed.

"There's times where I want something more, someone more like me."