Time Worth Ticking.

Timing can mean nothing and timing can mean everything.  I have spent the better part of my entire existence in a constant battle with time, across several mediums.  Most notably, I have raced the time in competitive swimming.  You, your abilities in the water, against the clock, ticking away the seconds and milliseconds until you complete your race.  Subtracted time, additional time, best times, and same times, all a measurement of your abilities and whether or not you are progressing towards a goal, you or your coach has set forth. 

Time in the other sense translates to minutes, hours, and years.  I’m accumulating mileage in terms of time, known to the general population as years.  As we count time, in terms of years, we utilize that near-arbitrary number as a gauge of where we should be in our lives, career-wise, socially, economically and emotionally.  These different standards may not always coincide with each other as some portions develop quicker than others.  However, generally speaking, we should reach a certain general standard at specific points in counting years. 

As I continue to walk away from a quarter century, I realize the mileage I have gained shrinks the window I envisioned I would have passed through at this point.  I am fortunate enough to have been raised in a family that promotes morality, honesty, hard work, self-esteem, confidence, and the like.  Characteristics that produce a successful, strong-willed individual, who can handle adversity and disappointment, persevere and move forward. 

I speak of timing here, in the sense that in my personal career, my private life, I have had the misfortunate of experiencing bad timing.  Although I have developed the rationale to appreciate optimism and turn every unfortunate situation into either a learning experience or one that salvages my esteem, I cannot help but wonder if there is something greater left for me out there than this misfortune. 

My mental stability allows for me to move on and focus on other realms of my path, however, whether it may be the heart-breaking, and confidence tear-down, of a rejection, the simply emotionally unavailable, or the one already accounted for, my curiosity wanders to what I am doing wrong or what is the cause of such inability to find someone worth sharing experiences with, emotionally and physically.

I have had the privilege of encountering a number of counterparts over the past several years, which for one of the reasons previously stated experienced a difficulty in compatibility.  In discovering such reasons for incompatibility, I attempted to observantly obtained qualities I found complimentary or conflicting.  In doing so, I furthered refined my ideals for the qualities I hope and wish for in my future companion. 

Recently, I stumbled upon a potential, whom with further inquiry learned she was accounted for, possessed a collection and combination of qualities I had never encountered before and took an immediate interest in.  But due to the aforementioned availability, ceased to pursue further out of respect for her and the other party involved.  Nevertheless, I have continued to dwell and dissect... (never finished the thought but appeared to be a place I COULD have stopped).

To be continued...