Timing can mean nothing and timing can mean everything. I have spent the better part of my
entire existence in a constant battle with time, across several mediums. Most notably, I have raced the time in
competitive swimming. You, your
abilities in the water, against the clock, ticking away the seconds and
milliseconds until you complete your race. Subtracted time, additional time, best times, and same
times, all a measurement of your abilities and whether or not you are
progressing towards a goal, you or your coach has set forth.
Time in the other sense translates to minutes, hours, and
years. I’m accumulating mileage in
terms of time, known to the general population as years. As we count time, in terms of years, we
utilize that near-arbitrary number as a gauge of where we should be in our
lives, career-wise, socially, economically and emotionally. These different standards may not
always coincide with each other as some portions develop quicker than
others. However, generally
speaking, we should reach a certain general standard at specific points in
counting years.
As I continue to walk away from a quarter century, I realize
the mileage I have gained shrinks the window I envisioned I would have passed
through at this point. I am
fortunate enough to have been raised in a family that promotes morality,
honesty, hard work, self-esteem, confidence, and the like. Characteristics that produce a
successful, strong-willed individual, who can handle adversity and
disappointment, persevere and move forward.
I speak of timing here, in the sense that in my personal
career, my private life, I have had the misfortunate of experiencing bad
timing. Although I have developed
the rationale to appreciate optimism and turn every unfortunate situation into
either a learning experience or one that salvages my esteem, I cannot help but
wonder if there is something greater left for me out there than this
misfortune.
My mental stability allows for me to move on and focus on
other realms of my path, however, whether it may be the heart-breaking, and
confidence tear-down, of a rejection, the simply emotionally unavailable, or
the one already accounted for, my curiosity wanders to what I am doing wrong or
what is the cause of such inability to find someone worth sharing experiences
with, emotionally and physically.
I have had the privilege of encountering a number of
counterparts over the past several years, which for one of the reasons previously
stated experienced a difficulty in compatibility. In discovering such reasons for incompatibility, I attempted
to observantly obtained qualities I found complimentary or conflicting. In doing so, I furthered refined my
ideals for the qualities I hope and wish for in my future companion.
Recently, I stumbled upon a potential, whom with further
inquiry learned she was accounted for, possessed a collection and combination
of qualities I had never encountered before and took an immediate interest
in. But due to the aforementioned
availability, ceased to pursue further out of respect for her and the other
party involved. Nevertheless, I
have continued to dwell and dissect... (never finished the thought but appeared to be a place I COULD have stopped).
To be continued...
