Savages

My title does not refer to the full-length feature film in theaters nor the book it was based on.  I cite the term Savages to reference our society and our thirst for pain, suffering and carnage.

In light of the events in Colorado, and of years past, we have always had this innate desire/curiosity to observe unfortunate events at the expense of our "brothers and sisters," fellow human beings regardless of race and sex.  Events as horrible and senseless as Colorado to things as petty as car accidents along the freeways.  

We as a society dwell on these events like Co., plastering it all over the news, including the suspect's arraignment, plead, personal history, characteristics, family, social life, etc.  I'm all for being informed with current events, understanding history and not making the same mistakes - however, I'm sure in two weeks - even up to months, we will undoubtedly revert back to this event and continue reporting about it.  All we are doing is giving the suspect the fulfillment of being a celebrity and giving him just what he wants, the publicity.  Worst, the amount of publicity given to him and his actions, cause others to learn more and potentially copy cat this horrific event.  We don't want to see that, I don't want to see that.

What irks me the most is with accidents on the road.  This past Tuesday, I was driving up the 405 North where there was a pretty bad 3 car accident.  It was two sedans and a pick-up truck.  The car crash was enough to essentially block the two inside lanes (carpool and fast lane).  Naturally people on the 405 North had to slow down and eventually those in the blocked lanes had to merge with the other three lanes - thus it is understandable that it was slow and there would be traffic.  Instead of focusing on the accident, I noticed on the other side of the freeway divider - cars were piling up - slowing down to observe the crash - I was astound to see cars backed up 15 miles back.  Mind you, this is at 11:30am where there are typically little congestion.  Traffic on the opposite side was 10 miles more than on the side the accident actually happened.  

Whether it is a fatal event or a minor fender bender - we seek any means to fulfill our thirst for affliction.

Documented

I started this years ago as an avenue to express my thoughts, feelings, and observations.  Last year, I used it as a method to document my experiences through a path of legal enlightenment.  Everything in between was some hybrid of thoughts, emotions, and story telling.  


I am here before you to return this back to its roots and intentions since its inception almost a decade back.  A "decade ago," means I nearly graduated high school that long ago - yet I remember it and reflect upon it as if it was just last year that I walked on the field at Gahr's stadium receiving my diploma and receiving my B.A. at Irvine, walking in the Bren Center like it was yesterday.


Time moves quickly, cares for no one and often, in my case, allows for reflection.  I think back and realize, my life, my goals, and expectations I envisioned for myself at this point were not fulfilled as I had dreamed.  This leaves me to ponder whether my ideals were absurd and a fantasy or if I had some point completely lost sight and wandered onto another path.  


I have always believed that our experiences are a part of fate.  We have only so much control over where our lives go and then fate takes over.  Anything from the people we meet, the things we do, the trials and tribulations we experience, fate has a hand in it.  As I continually reflect on where I am at right now, I have a difficult time staying committed to this belief.  It could be that because of my unhappiness of where I am at right now causes this faltering belief.  I can't help but ask why am I in the position I am in right now, why couldn't I make better choices, what am I suppose to learn from this that I haven't already learned.  


I do not seek confirmation or objection that I am an intelligent, hard-working, loyal and committed person.  I know who I am, believe in who I am and have my family to support me.  Why am I unhappy?  Am I lazy at the critical points that cause for this unsatisfying disposition?


I must be taking the right steps because I am questioning this current state and seeking internal answers to those questions.  I wish being a "lost boy" was a profession - maybe Wonderland wasn't a fantasy but an alternate reality. (No, those terms are not the same thing - just like being alone and lonely - that's English for you)