With my departure date up in the air, I find myself idle in body but active in mind. I wish I had a thought recorder that did not require me speaking it, writing it or acting it. I have millions of thoughts racing through my mind. I put a few sentences together in my head and in a matter of moments, it disappears into oblivion. I try to recall them but know they are not exactly 100% the way I had conjured them up the first time. This first paragraph was originally written differently in my head. I just was not able to get to this editing page in time to get those fresh thoughts transcribed.
I sit here, daily, in between traversing the US and World news feeds, ESPN, Facebook, and career possibilities, pondering and wondering how I got to this point. How all those series of events in my life got me to where I am today, where I am headed tomorrow, and what my decisions right now may lead to in the future.
It is both terrifying and exciting at the same time. I try to live in the moment, try to live with no regrets, be bold, admirable, honest, loyal, respectful and with integrity. However, I have at times easily lost sight of these qualities and characteristics but I strive not to allow my lapses' effect my decisions. I must be calculated, must be disciplined, and committed.
I know not what my future holds. I am absolutely terrified that I will fail my parents and my family. I have already done so to a certain degree. What if everything I set out to do from here on out falls through, as the previous one did. I must be more diligent in my decisions, as they all cost something, whether it is money, time, or effort. I have aspirations, motivation, drive and discipline, but those mean nothing unless I can produce and exhibit results.
...damn, I just lost my train of thought. I will have to revisit this post again shortly.
Lux, this is all I got for now, promise more to come.
I sit here, daily, in between traversing the US and World news feeds, ESPN, Facebook, and career possibilities, pondering and wondering how I got to this point. How all those series of events in my life got me to where I am today, where I am headed tomorrow, and what my decisions right now may lead to in the future.
It is both terrifying and exciting at the same time. I try to live in the moment, try to live with no regrets, be bold, admirable, honest, loyal, respectful and with integrity. However, I have at times easily lost sight of these qualities and characteristics but I strive not to allow my lapses' effect my decisions. I must be calculated, must be disciplined, and committed.
I know not what my future holds. I am absolutely terrified that I will fail my parents and my family. I have already done so to a certain degree. What if everything I set out to do from here on out falls through, as the previous one did. I must be more diligent in my decisions, as they all cost something, whether it is money, time, or effort. I have aspirations, motivation, drive and discipline, but those mean nothing unless I can produce and exhibit results.
...damn, I just lost my train of thought. I will have to revisit this post again shortly.
Lux, this is all I got for now, promise more to come.
HI Duke! How are you? Just wanted to see what was up with you and to let you know that I feel ya! These past 4 months have been a true roller coaster for me but what helped me most was talking it through. So if you haven't already talked it out, my ear's all yours if you need one! Take care =)
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