With my departure date up in the air, I find myself idle in body but active in mind. I wish I had a thought recorder that did not require me speaking it, writing it or acting it. I have millions of thoughts racing through my mind. I put a few sentences together in my head and in a matter of moments, it disappears into oblivion. I try to recall them but know they are not exactly 100% the way I had conjured them up the first time. This first paragraph was originally written differently in my head. I just was not able to get to this editing page in time to get those fresh thoughts transcribed.
I sit here, daily, in between traversing the US and World news feeds, ESPN, Facebook, and career possibilities, pondering and wondering how I got to this point. How all those series of events in my life got me to where I am today, where I am headed tomorrow, and what my decisions right now may lead to in the future.
It is both terrifying and exciting at the same time. I try to live in the moment, try to live with no regrets, be bold, admirable, honest, loyal, respectful and with integrity. However, I have at times easily lost sight of these qualities and characteristics but I strive not to allow my lapses' effect my decisions. I must be calculated, must be disciplined, and committed.
I know not what my future holds. I am absolutely terrified that I will fail my parents and my family. I have already done so to a certain degree. What if everything I set out to do from here on out falls through, as the previous one did. I must be more diligent in my decisions, as they all cost something, whether it is money, time, or effort. I have aspirations, motivation, drive and discipline, but those mean nothing unless I can produce and exhibit results.
...damn, I just lost my train of thought. I will have to revisit this post again shortly.
Lux, this is all I got for now, promise more to come.
I sit here, daily, in between traversing the US and World news feeds, ESPN, Facebook, and career possibilities, pondering and wondering how I got to this point. How all those series of events in my life got me to where I am today, where I am headed tomorrow, and what my decisions right now may lead to in the future.
It is both terrifying and exciting at the same time. I try to live in the moment, try to live with no regrets, be bold, admirable, honest, loyal, respectful and with integrity. However, I have at times easily lost sight of these qualities and characteristics but I strive not to allow my lapses' effect my decisions. I must be calculated, must be disciplined, and committed.
I know not what my future holds. I am absolutely terrified that I will fail my parents and my family. I have already done so to a certain degree. What if everything I set out to do from here on out falls through, as the previous one did. I must be more diligent in my decisions, as they all cost something, whether it is money, time, or effort. I have aspirations, motivation, drive and discipline, but those mean nothing unless I can produce and exhibit results.
...damn, I just lost my train of thought. I will have to revisit this post again shortly.
Lux, this is all I got for now, promise more to come.
