Before you know it...

Life creeps up on you like a spider monkey. Time creeps up on you like it's nobody's business.

Here we are, two weeks from the end of my first year. Shed the 1L label and into the second level. 2L status awaits in the distance.

Reflection won't do any good if I don't worry about the future right now. I gotta get through these last two weeks and finish on a very strong note. This year has not lacked in excitement or disappointment. I have undoubtedly evolved into another person. Whether for better or for worst is for others to decide. I cannot do much about it but be simply who I am and who I have become.

I no longer spend a significant amount of my time worrying about what others think. Or what they think of me. It is a waste of all our time. This worrying isn't absolute, however, I just have to consistently remind myself of the insignificance of it. I have much bigger things to worry about. Such as my family, my career, my financial bearings.

There is this ignorant stereotype of my profession where we are qualified as liars and snobby rich people. However, I search among the practicing and find most are in fact genuine and frugal in their spending. Maybe this persona is a consequence of the subject matter of the profession, not indicative of the actual person itself. We are merely advocates for either side and must do what the job requires us to do.

My thoughts wander like balloons caught in the trade winds. I travel from one topic to another and attempt to connect each of them as if they flowed together like a melody.

It is amusing that I find a single element within each topic to connect but yet do not have a big picture connection. They are little paragraphs that identify a single element to connect to the next paragraph and change so on and so forth.

My mind is racing with thoughts. Thoughts of law school, thoughts of life, thoughts of family, thoughts of friends, and thoughts of the coming months.

Two and a half weeks, three days after my last final, I hop onto a plane to embark on a life-changing experience. For the next two and a half months, I will be over seas exploring China, and Europe. I will be away from everything I have ever known and the culture I have been accustomed to. I have traveled over seas several times before, but only to Thailand where my family is from. I am not completely ignorant to the lifestyle of the East and of a Third-world country, however, the luxury that is provided in the US will require some adaptation to that of China and Europe. China and most of the countries I will be in Europe are far from third-world country status, but nonetheless will be a culture shock.

I am excited to experience this culture shock and all the beauty that comes with this unknown. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I find that things that are "foreign"(used in this sense as something unfamiliar) to me are in fact beautiful. I do not necessarily have to see the tourist spots, the popular structures, and whatnot, I can and am fully content with enjoying the smaller hidden gems within the culture. Everyday life in Hangzhou, China or in Nice, France, will be pleasurable in my eyes. I will be happy regardless of whether I see everything or see nothing.

I am in another place shedding the stereotypes and rumors of places I am ignorant of. I decide on my own what each place means to me. I can very well tell you now, no matter where I am, I will take something away with me in my experience there. It will be good. No matter the circumstance. This world has too many good things about it to dwell on the unfavorable.

Kanye said it is the good life, I agree with him. Italians say it is the sweet life, I couldn't agree more. I love this world, I love who I am, I love the people around me, I love where I am, but there is nothing I love more than being cultured.

Love is a word I do not use often or frivolously, it is a powerful word that possesses significant meaning in my eyes. So when I do use it, the truth and weight behind it is heavy.

Dream big, make your goals, reach for the stars, and don't forget to love. Take every experience and every struggle, extract the message and good from it, and make it apart of you.

Before you know it, it will pass you by.

Adolescence

"I'm feeling overwhelmed, It's getting out of line. I know I'm not alone, just adolescence, you and I. It doesn't make me feel any better."

I have never ventured into analyzing or interpreting lyrics but I found these lyrics to accurately depict my state of mind. An adolescent in my trade, but not for very long. I near the end of what was simply an overactive mind-blowing journey of 1L-ism. Yes, I just made that word up. I'm better for it. Don't judge me monkey!

It has gone by in a flash. Everything in the past seems so minuscule compared to the picture I have painted in my mind. I see glimpses of my future, the path to the left and the path to the right. I see promises and I see struggles. Either way, "Life is a roller-coaster, and I'm not strapped in. Maybe I should hold with care, but my hands are busy in the air."

One foot in front of the other, one step at a time. Life with sudden decisions, long-term decisions, mistakes, regrets, etc. Take them all in, jumble them all up, see what is left, and just go with it. Live free, smile and breath.

I'm in a good place, but with worries nagging wayside. My focus remains on my future but I'm taking the present as it is present to me. I love where I am, I love what I do, I love myself, and I love you.

Refreshing Maturity

As an avid people watcher, I find it oddly interesting, observing and connecting one's character, personality, and actions with their level of maturity. What have we as a society define maturity? Is it necessarily the ability to understand the intricacies of life and act accordingly? We are a species that is ever constantly evolving. We evolve on the large scale, as in technological advances and medicine. We evolve on the individual, as in individual character development and perspective.

As you grow older, your exposure to life, naturally supplies maturity. However, in an environment that does not nourish certain character/personality traits, maturity is not fed and essentially malnourished, leaving the person to act often times unacceptably. Was that too forward and opinionated? I stated a lack of maturity to be unacceptable for someone who reasonably should be acting with respect and perspective, to their age. Does that sound less opinionated and more factual, a common understanding? It is rare I voice my opinion in a matter that, from my view, is fairly strong. Respect and perspective are strong characteristics that can never go wrong. (I invite objections to this statement, I am open to re-evaluating my own opinion). You provide respect to your peers, your elders, and your juniors and respect is reciprocated without doubt.

I am categorized as Generation Y, the Millennial worker. The jury isn't out yet on exactly what birth years categorize this generation. Roughly 1980-2000s. We are characterized as a generation that seeks efficiency, able to multi-task, team-oriented rather than individuals, etc. Nevertheless, my point really isn't so much this generation as a whole but more of the notes from observing just a decade of birth years. Specifically, I am speaking about the 1980s and partly the early 1990s. I'm an '85 baby. I have been fortunate to have been raised in an environment that breeds success and strives for only the best. I have been given a life that is privileged and by no means am I to "boast" of such because I am aware of how lucky I am to be in this situation no matter what "hardships" I think I am going through. Life can always be worst. But, reflecting upon my experiences so far, I find it as I observe those born closer to 1990s to the present, the sense of respect to others seem to dissipate at a more rapid rate as the sense of entitlement rises. We are approaching, if not already arrived to a point where teenagers are "maturing" faster than their body and mind can handle. This a consequence to their exposure to many resources, namely the internet. They have grown up in a world where the internet has always been there. Their access to information is endless. I aged myself among colleagues the other night by stating the method I used to listen to music and how I use to make "mix tapes" with actual cassette tapes, recording the radio. The walkman was pretty cool back then and was overly expensive. If you had a walkman, you were one of the cool kids. Our technological advancements have furthered our evolution and provided many good things, however, they have also provided negatives. Teenagers now believe they are being social when they chat with each other through googlechat, messenger, or even text messages. We have all become so dependent on technology. As convenient as it may be, most people have to admit they are hopeless without their smartphones. How did we survive merely a decade ago without smartphones with email, GPS, internet, and text messages? Landlines and payphones were the way people got in touch with each other, the way people communicated. Can you recall the last time you had a legitimate and meaningful face-to-face conversation with another human being without using any form of technological medium? A leisurely conversation, not one for business or with some ulterior motive.

I had one today. It was refreshing.

I met Foodie several months ago at the beginning of latest chapter. She was intimidating at first because of how focus, motivated, polite, and on top of her game she was. She exuded an aura that signified she will be a force to be reckoned with in my section. But her infectious smile and personality washed that intimidation perception right away. She still possesses all those traits but I have thrown my ignorant first impression in the trash and am glad to call her a good friend of mine. Foodie's conversation with me this evening filled me with exuberance. I did not realize how sad and boring my conversations with others had become. The typical small talk or the simple exchange of greetings and pleasantries. A real conversation had eluded me for a period of time I was unaware of. Our conversation reminded me of one I had a few years ago in Chicago with another friend of mine who at the time was really just an acquaintance. The mere fact that this was a face-to-face conversation and had substance in the topics discussed, put a smile on my face. She is an amazing person with an amazing story. Her character and personality elicit favorable responses. She is polite and respectful so you can't help but be drawn to her. It has and continues to be a pleasure to be in good company.

I lost my train of thought... goodnight

I See Better Days Ahead

After a weekend of mini-fails, I am idiosyncratically refreshed for what lies ahead. Better days of course. At this point, I think I have reached the bottom point of being as cynical and irritable as I can be. If for any other reason, I should not be that bad, its not conducive to my mental and physical health. I have found rejuvenation and optimism has arrived for a glorious return. Nothing can bring me down again. I will simply shrug it off my shoulders and let it be. I am much better than to take things personal or to heart. It is what it is. No more and no less. I will allow for things to fall in its place. Not to say at the very least I won't interject myself when I find it necessary but generally I will let things happen as it would.

I understand this view as more of a "I don't really care what other people have to do or say." They live their lives as I do mine. I do not mind sharing and listening but only if the feeling is mutual. Boyfriends/Girlfriends come and go, friends stick around, but in the end, when all is said and done, it is all about you. Don't get me wrong, it is not forbidden to do things for others. I enjoy doing that. I am a giver. But when it is a giver and a taker, it will never work. Givers although at their very core love to give, it is also natural to want to be appreciated. Thus, givers work best with other givers. We cannot all be takers because then we are just a bunch of self-center a-holes. That would be epically sad and disappointing.

Anyone a dream specialist out there? Explain to me what dreams symbolize. Give me something to believe even though I'm skeptical since dream theories are hard to entrust with validated scientific evidence. Create a theory that satisfies my need to answer what each dream symbolizes/means.

I can recall a few dreams from last night. One more vivid than the other two. Ms. Sunflower appeared and we were at dinner as we use to do sparingly half a decade ago. She proceeded to explain to me the situation in her life, the reason behind her unsuccessful engagement. (There's no other way to really put it without it sounding as it does). I do not remember what she explained to me in the dream but it was significant enough to cause such a reaction. I sympathized and carried on the conversation, traversing the other parts of her life. My words seemed to put a calm and comfort in her eyes. The backdrop glimmered with beauty. I thought to myself, this can be construed in so many ways, but the specific view point of negativity nagged above and beyond the others. I had no desires to sweep someone in such a fragile state. The vulnerability made me feel evil for thinking such a thing. It was as though I had won a prize by default. The gratification of having someone fall in love with you and feel the same as you do was nowhere to be found but just emptiness. Ironically, I awoke at the part of the dream where we had embraced each other at the nights end. A hug and the presumed fairytale kiss to end the evening before parting ways. As with social entertainment and their perfect timing, the dreamed ended as the moisture of her lips reached mine.

I found myself dwelling on this dream and the very nature of its meaning. Does it mean that I just happened to be thinking about Sunflower prior to my slumber and thus the reason for her presence in my dream? Or do we look further into it and find that it was more than a coincidence. I admit openly that I think about her from time to time. I was naive. I was a teenager. Had I known better, had I known what I know now. I would not have made that mistake. Hindsight is always 20-20. Oh how life would have been much different. For better? For worst? One can only imagine. Needless to say, we are here. I admit furthermore, she has a place in my heart. She unexplainably affects me without a single word, action, reaction, or for that matter any communication what-so-ever. We all have the "one." You know what I mean. Sunflower is it. Simple as that. Will I act upon it, maybe nothing more than a letter expressing my feelings. When that time comes. Otherwise, I will silently live my life apart from hers and view from the outside looking in. It is my selfish nature to secretly hope that when the time comes for me, she will be that "one." But, I know better than to think and be insane or creepy. It is absurd. Says who? Society. It is just not normal, but what is normal? Is love normal? Love is a crazy thing and it can cause people to do crazy things.

I am venturing deeper into my mind, my heart, my soul and openly analyzing what is inside. Aside from other's thoughts, opinions, expressions, and norms, I have nothing to hide, I have nothing to fear. If I do not understand myself, how could I expect others to understand.

I am at peace with myself. With being at peace, I afford the opportunity for others to seek peace and find it within themselves. To be peaceful, you must find it within yourself and others will gravitate to it.

I live for happiness, but do so with integrity, admirability and inspiration.

I see better days ahead. Whether spiritually, mentally, physically, or materially, better days await my presence. I seek accordingly with open arms.