Wrestling My Thoughts Asleep

The Sleeper Hold is no match for my mind's will. I'm laying in bed, as seconds, minutes, and hours pass. I've laid awake for the past 3 hours, attempting to rest my mind, preparing it for tomorrows ventures. My lacking ability to fall asleep at this very moment has directed my attention back to my computer and onto the internet.

I read of others' desires to share their statuses on Facebook, wondering why their comments capture my attention and imagination. I'd love to have a trip booked for Europe, I'm amazed by a fan's ability to suppress boredom by building the Ohio State Buckeye football stadium out of Legos, no, I haven't watched sports dome on Comedy Central, but I shall put that on the list.

I've now "surfed" my way to a blog written by an old and close friend of mine. He is documenting his life-changing, perspective-altering journey in the Peace Corp in Kenya. He is a well-versed, highly-educated gentleman. (I'm full of adjectives at this moment). We shall call him Mr. PC. His last entry speaks of "goggles" both metaphorically and literally. Mr. PC and I spent many years competing against each other as well as being teammates. He may not remember this but over a decade ago, when we first met, he punched me in the stomach to "intimidate" me, probably because he felt I was a threat to him winning. We were literally both our biggest rivals but also closest teammates and friends. He influenced the "never say die unless you've given absolutely everything you have" mentality one may experience out of me when the situation calls for it.

Where was I before I got distracted with the backstory. Mr. PC is an inspiration, as I flip through his entries on his blog. He packed up everything he had in the States and joined the Peace Corp to travel to Kenya and provide assistance to build the infrastructure of the country. A two-year four-month commitment to the unknown. I can honestly say and believe we will never see the same Mr. PC ever again. Not a chance, not after what he is currently experiencing. Amazing. His insight and perspective will be one of my interest upon his return to the states. Until then, I can only imagine through his typed words.

30 minutes later, I'm still wide awake, still waiting it out against my mind and body to retreat to a dormant stage, allowing me to finally rest in the sleep I admittedly believe I deserve.

However, until that time is reached, I continue.

Ms. Artistic continues to write beautifully, whether in paragraphs, letters, or a poem. Her talent is endless.

Ms. Sunflower continues to ignore my platonic attempts to elicit a response. Under current circumstances, I feel as though she is a regret I've made in failing to maintain our friendship during what I perceived to be rather challenging times for both of us. She was in the process of deciding her future and career. Ms. Sunflower and I had a romantic past, and admittedly I had secretly hoped years ago that it may return, but we are all on our own paths, and sometimes paths no longer cross. Improbable but not impossible. I'm strangled by the curiosity and suspense as to the reason behind the blatant desire not to respond to any of my inquiries. It errs and twists the knife in the wound. Is it obvious my inability to move on with this issue I've constantly fueled to the point of destruction? The accelerant is slowly running out, hopefully the supply runs out before significant damage occurs.

Ms. U.N. was the one that got away. Things didn't workout because our distance combined with our naive nature and lack of experience in that situation was ultimately the downfall. She carried on as I had to as well. Fortunately, we have had sporadic communications that at least provide some sense of respect and natural interest in the other's life. She is driven and knows what she likes and wants. Her character inadvertently inspires me to strive and become a more well-rounded person.

Still awake, although I feel a slight exhaustion settling in.

I'm baffled as I re-read this entry, at the level of self-disclosure I have recently provided. My inhibitions have dissipated and I feel as though I don't have anything to hide, I am who I am. Things will play itself out as it always does, whether my words influence them or not, they ultimately will happen or lack thereof because it was meant to be that way.

Games may be fun at first but once you've played too many times, it gets old, boring and no longer worth while.

Nevertheless, as hour 5 ticks itself away... I shall attempt once more to apply the sleeper hold until success peers its illusive head... until next time knuckleheads.