In the past few months I have had a whirlwind of feelings and thoughts unlike any I have had before.
I have had some good days and I have had some of the worst days. Physically, I could be better but nothing that hasn't already been made known. Mentally, is where the transitions and bumps have surfaced and have made themselves known.
We are in the 11th month of twenty-eleven. We are just over 6-weeks from the new year and twenty-twelve awaits.
I reflect on this year and I can't help but notice significant events that have contributed to my current state and have given me a new perspective. It is with common sense to state that these events have both positively and negatively affected me.
I attempted to start a career I quickly found was not right for me. My own beliefs, morals, and pride challenged by the actions put before me. I got the opportunity to travel the world with an amazing group of people and learned more about them and especially more about me. It is without saying I am full of flaws but during this experience I was in battle with myself and what actions I may have taken. Ultimately with regret I made a few bad decisions but in the end, I am stronger for it and with my group of friends we may just be better for it. It was an unforgettable summer, the things I got to see, I got to experience and share with those with me, are forever lifetime memories that are placed on the shelves of my memory bank. The world is a very big place, with many beautiful people, beautiful history and character. The world is also a very cruel place and we live in the environments of our choice, whether it is by obvious choice or may take some insight. Good things happen to good people but bad things happen to everyone at some point.
Frankly, at this very point, I am miserable. I am attempting to get myself out of this slump but it is difficult to do so when the "break" never shows up. I have been told by people and do believe people make their own fate. But I also believe that your actions take you on that path but fate takes control, an inexplicable power takes over and takes you the rest of the way towards your destiny. Sometimes you need a bit of luck, something.
The unknown is my fear. Where does my destiny lie? I am full of uncertainty at this point in my life right now, at this very second and it scares me. A mere 6 months ago, I knew exactly what I was doing and where I was headed. But even that seems so far ago. I don't know where I am going, I don't know what I am doing. I have revisited my state of being as to when I finished undergrad several years ago, however, in this state I am in higher anxiety and of greater urgency.
As I struggle with where I am right now, I go back and forth with being sympathetic to myself. I am in a dark low place, a place I foresee being a turning point in my life and will remind me of what I have to go through to get to a better place. I am humbled by this experience. I am upset at where I am but realize I could be in such worst places. Is this what it feels like to head towards rock bottom? Is this what it feels like to have to work for once. I have lived a privileged life, and I cannot, should not blame anyone or anything for the situation I have put myself in. I am alone, unemployed and without direction. I will get myself out, I will survive, I will come out on top. I was not raised by my parents to give up, to let things get the best of me. I have learned to accept what is given to me but to make the best of things I have control over. My best wasn't enough in the past, I can and need to do better. Positivity and optimism, I was so full of them not too long ago, I'm filled with negativity, pessimism, and depression.
I gotta get up, step up, and move on. Keeping calm, staying strong, and carrying on. Focus.
I have had some good days and I have had some of the worst days. Physically, I could be better but nothing that hasn't already been made known. Mentally, is where the transitions and bumps have surfaced and have made themselves known.
We are in the 11th month of twenty-eleven. We are just over 6-weeks from the new year and twenty-twelve awaits.
I reflect on this year and I can't help but notice significant events that have contributed to my current state and have given me a new perspective. It is with common sense to state that these events have both positively and negatively affected me.
I attempted to start a career I quickly found was not right for me. My own beliefs, morals, and pride challenged by the actions put before me. I got the opportunity to travel the world with an amazing group of people and learned more about them and especially more about me. It is without saying I am full of flaws but during this experience I was in battle with myself and what actions I may have taken. Ultimately with regret I made a few bad decisions but in the end, I am stronger for it and with my group of friends we may just be better for it. It was an unforgettable summer, the things I got to see, I got to experience and share with those with me, are forever lifetime memories that are placed on the shelves of my memory bank. The world is a very big place, with many beautiful people, beautiful history and character. The world is also a very cruel place and we live in the environments of our choice, whether it is by obvious choice or may take some insight. Good things happen to good people but bad things happen to everyone at some point.
Frankly, at this very point, I am miserable. I am attempting to get myself out of this slump but it is difficult to do so when the "break" never shows up. I have been told by people and do believe people make their own fate. But I also believe that your actions take you on that path but fate takes control, an inexplicable power takes over and takes you the rest of the way towards your destiny. Sometimes you need a bit of luck, something.
The unknown is my fear. Where does my destiny lie? I am full of uncertainty at this point in my life right now, at this very second and it scares me. A mere 6 months ago, I knew exactly what I was doing and where I was headed. But even that seems so far ago. I don't know where I am going, I don't know what I am doing. I have revisited my state of being as to when I finished undergrad several years ago, however, in this state I am in higher anxiety and of greater urgency.
As I struggle with where I am right now, I go back and forth with being sympathetic to myself. I am in a dark low place, a place I foresee being a turning point in my life and will remind me of what I have to go through to get to a better place. I am humbled by this experience. I am upset at where I am but realize I could be in such worst places. Is this what it feels like to head towards rock bottom? Is this what it feels like to have to work for once. I have lived a privileged life, and I cannot, should not blame anyone or anything for the situation I have put myself in. I am alone, unemployed and without direction. I will get myself out, I will survive, I will come out on top. I was not raised by my parents to give up, to let things get the best of me. I have learned to accept what is given to me but to make the best of things I have control over. My best wasn't enough in the past, I can and need to do better. Positivity and optimism, I was so full of them not too long ago, I'm filled with negativity, pessimism, and depression.
I gotta get up, step up, and move on. Keeping calm, staying strong, and carrying on. Focus.
