"Failure is only an opportunity to begin again more intelligently"

- Henry Ford

Adversity fuels character. How we face adversity, how we react to it, and how we move on from it tells a lot about a person's character. I have these ideals in my head of how one should act in certain situations of adversity. To experience it yourself and attempt to act accordingly is another story. It is true, people can never relate or really truly understand what its like to be in a specific situation without having gone through it or experiencing it for themselves. I didn't know what it was like, but now I do. It is a tough reality to swallow. It is tough to understand the situation and take a step back. I want to act emotionally, I want redemption, I want to act without thinking of my consequences, my faults and my logic. I just don't want to feel as I do now. If nothing more or less, I feel embarrassed. However, as I have to do with every decision I make, every opinion I formulate, I must understand the other side of it.

My actions have put me in this situation and now I must find the strength and determination to take the consequences and move forward. I have done what

... And the beat goes on

Disclaimer: Written on June 13th

This journey continues. The next leg consists of no set plans, no structure to the travels and simply going with the flow. Here, at first sight, one would imagine this would be setting up for disaster. Having no set plans has the potential of blowing up in your face. You may be stranded and you may be in limbo. Fortunately for us, this disaster preceded this second leg. We are finally on our way to London, England after spending an extra day in China. Mother nature is beautiful in all respects but is also cruel at other times. Regardless, that is now in the past and we are onward to the adventure that awaits the 6 of us in Europe. I’m excited at the idea of just being in the various countries enjoying the sights and the atmosphere in each city/country. Stepping back and looking at where I am, it is surreal to be in this situation and have such an opportunity to venture the world. Many aren’t so lucky or blessed as I am to have such given to me. That is all the more reason for me to take advantage of it and really enjoy and appreciate these places. I will be in a place where lives for those within enjoy each and every day just as I do back in the states. I can honestly say, besides the minor irritations and frustrations (which I believe are now behind me), I am excited, enthusiastic, and simply happy. I am in a happy place.

An 8-hour flight, in which you are not necessarily exhausted for, provides for momentary desires to express thoughts free flowing within the mind. I realize above all things I miss most is the touch. The subtle touches, expressions of intimacy and the companionship that comes with being in a relationship with someone. I want to share what I have to offer to this world and to others but not just frivolously to people who may as well not deserve such or will not appreciate such thought and effort. I am not one for casual dating and of that kind. I understand that there is no commitment involved nor will you be bound to that person at any point in time, I feel as though it may just be a waste of time. You get that intimacy and companionship but it is at such a level that is watered down, the bare minimum or blatantly meaningless. The perception is that you half-heartedly go through the motions of what may be a relationship because you know in the back of your head this is likely not to go anywhere. Whatever it may be, I know I prefer a whole-hearted relationship rather than casual but at this point; I’ll take anything to get that touch back. If nothing else, it may lead to a whole-hearted relationship.

We have arrived in London and if feels like another world from China. More or less for the time being, my perception of London is like home. The city reminds me very much of the states and particularly a large city feel that I love. Not quite the Manhattan, New York City, at least where the hostel is located but more of the Boston, Chicago, or Brooklyn, New York feel. There are still a lot of people but it is more mellow and neighborhood heavy area.

We are staying in the Generator Hostel in London, specifically Compton Place off Tarvistock Blvd. I wouldn’t know how to describe the quality of this hostel, as this is the first hostel I have ever been in and we are staying in a 6-bed private room. It is that university dorm room life feel to it and intimacy amongst roommates is at an all time high. We are in close quarters where every move, every breath, every thought is heard and felt by your roommates. All insecurities, all habits, all annoyances will be tested in these living quarters. Needless to say, regardless of what circumstances arise, what opinions, what thoughts and feelings come about, the 6 of us will be affected and forever be united in a bond of intimate friendships. Fortunately for me, I get along with everyone when I choose to and the other 5 are great and amazing people that I have the pleasure of traveling with. Hopefully the others mutually share my feelings and we have a fabulous time sharing this life altering experience together.

When you know you've had enough

Disclaimer: This was written on June 12th.

Maybe I wouldn’t feel this way if I had gotten to my destination as planned. If my itinerary had not been blown up to pieces by some weather and issue with communication. I tried everything to not let the last three days of my trip define this cultural experience. China is a very unique place with a distinguish culture and custom. I am an outsider being exposed to this very culture. I do not understand what I am not familiar with and I have always tried to keep an open mind, be receptive of learning and gaining knowledge. My physical condition does not assist in remaining open to what China and its culture has to offer. I am more irritable, frustrated at the language barrier and annoyed at the blatant disregard for personal space, consideration and the “I Get Mine” attitude. I was at my limits the night I spent in the airport trying to leave Hangzhou, China. The weather delayed many flights and cancelled most. However, the ticketing counter told me that my flight was going to be cancelled and that I should go to the hotel provided and rest. “Come back tomorrow, but I don’t know what time you should be here.” I decided this suggestion was not wise and I was capable of handling myself in the airport for one night. One decision I definitely regretted within a mere hour into the evening. I was uncomfortable, unaware of what my next flight would be, mosquitoes eating me alive, benches that were not conducive to the attempt to sleep, fear of luggage or goods being stolen in my slumber and the heat that lingers in the air. Needless to say, I was not a happy camper; ready to change all flight plans and head straight home back to the states to get rid of this God-awful feeling. Hindsight, I’m probably better for it, but I’m still irritable and frustrated. I’m equally annoyed with the Chinese attitude to this second.

Maybe a minor change would have altered my mood, like air conditioning, comfortable position to sleep in, no mosquitoes, or actually getting on my flight to Beijing when it left at 2:30am (in my half dreary slumber, I rushed through security and ran to my gate only to find no one there, and no indication that someone WAS there.).

Looking at this situation, it probably makes for a great story for an outsider, but let me remind you very clearly that during this fiasco, it was not pleasant nor did I ever consider that this makes for a great story because I am or rather for the time being, was miserable. I finally made it to Beijing, after a night in the airport, an hour and half waiting standby for a flight, and getting on a plane where everyone is fighting to get off, even before the plane has taxied or even stopped. I’m sitting in the meeting point of the arrivals awaiting Smiles to arrive. It will be nice to have someone to keep me in check when I feel like punching the next Chinese person to touch me or talk to me in Chinese. I understand it is a part of me and my heritage, I can’t blame you for thinking I speak Chinese but each time it happens, I feel like I’m a disappointment to the Chinese culture for not knowing how to speak. If we were in Thailand, I’d rock the shit out of it and impress everyone, including myself. Do not judge me for not knowing your language; do not belittle me for the same reasons. I am an adequately capable Asian American, who does in fact understand and can converse in another language. So screw you, I’m going home. That’s right, home to America where I’m glad each of every second in the past two to three days I’ve had left here in China. I live in a place where everything is just right. Life is right, life is comfortable, life is familiar. I’m all about being cultured, but as I quickly found, my cultural cup got filled pretty quickly here. I’m overflowing, ready to put this one on the mantle and bring out another cup for another place. It has been great China, but good riddance my friend. I have damn well had enough of you.